Friday, September 23, 2011

RW Pearlclutching Claptrap Of The Day: ZOMG, BLINGATE!!1!!

Populist Palin shocked at the excess!
Dancing while the 10% unemployed burn!!!!1!!!
Oh relax, Populist Sarah Palin. Michelle's diamond cuffs were borrowed, and giving a boost to the billion-dollar American fashion industry is one of the First Lady's functions. Just ask Nancy Reagan!  For that matter, does "belly of the plane" ring a bell?

I'm sorry Hillbuzz has decided to pick on Nancy~~again!~~for her desire to kick up her borrowed heels during a time of high unemployment such as the 10% plus of the Reagan years. I thought they liked her. It seems rather mean to do that to an old lady. But Kathleen has to do something to fling up a post while Kevin's on yet another walkabout, and reheated Weasels is better than nothing at all! Well, nearly better.

Brought to you as always by Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, the Undead Blog, noting that the devoted Kathleen's attempt to fill in for Kevin and liveblog the ninnies' debate was breathtaking in its detail except she didn't seem to hear them boo the gay soldier! She should call a television repairman about that!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Hillbuzz: Don't Even Ask

Kevin Dujan's Little Helper Awarded Medal Of Error!
Profound apologies to Phil Silvers fans
This is a proud day for America and Snarkopolitan. No, I refer not to the ending of DADT, though watching the men and women who have long served their country at last being able to experience the freedom they enlisted to defend made me a bit teary. But that was yesterday's news, and time, like the newly out-and-proud American soldier, marches on!

 Today, Snarkopolitan is pleased to announce the creation of the SnarkoBuzz Medal of Error, awarded for the saddest evidence of delusional thinking by the poor creatures in thrall to World's Crappiest Cult Leader over at Harvey Bilk's Emporium of Cut-Rate Hate and Moneygrubbing, Hillbuzz.*
*Note: this is not an award for mere stupidity or hatefulness, since Snarkopolitan is a little blog and couldn't handle the volume.

The first winner, a man of deep sentiment and even deeper pockets, appears in the Do We Like That Obama ended DADT? Don't Ask thread, where gays are fine as long as they stick to providing first-class conservative commentary and stay out of the shower. Yes, Kevin's got a civil-rights-averse enclave of homophobes cheerily attacking female and gay soldiers on his very own blog. Gays are part of Obama's plan to ruin the military, and will get preferential treatment! Women shouldn't be where testosterone-riddled manimals could get at them, for their own silly good! 

Perhaps someone from the Israeli Army should train our U.S. forces in proper military conduct, since the Hillbuzzers have so little faith in our troops. The Israeli army is integrated, both gender and preference, and nobody complains that they don't get the job done.

But our Medal recipient, Blog-Ad evergreen newtlove, wishes to remind us that while heroic gay men and women undertook to serve their country by hiding their orientation, they weren't as forthright as his hero Harvey Bilk, who tried to enlist, but was turned away for being too honest:

(They weren't as honest with their recruiters as Kevin was, and so they got in.) 

The One, The Loud

Snarkopolitan has tried to help Harvey achieve his dream before, and from his latest absence, we can only infer that he has taken his shoulder-mounted ghost-nuns and run off to make good on his commitment to God and country by joining up.  Heaven bless you, soldier! I'm sure they'll snap you up; the Marines having fought DADT the hardest, they are now recruiting the LGBT community the hardest, because they want to be the best at everything.  
Drop And Give Me Ten, Dujan!
Simper Feh
Brought to you by Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, the Undead Blog, enjoying how conveniently Kevin's epaulettes serve as platforms for shouldernuns! 

RW Pearlclutching Claptrap Of The Day: ZOMG, UMBRELLAGATE!

YooHoo, Megan "Only Douchebags do it"  Fox!
You should watch your filthy mouth, young lady. Or perhaps wash it; putting your foot that far in is bad enough, without stepping in a load of something first.
Megan Fox loathes people like this!
Took me 30 seconds of teh Google to find this image. If this is a sample of your researching skillz, what a wonderful fit you are for Hillbuzz! Add in your tasteful race-baiting invocation of "slaves," plus P. Diddy and Michael Jackson, and Neville Chamberlain for variety, and you've got quite the virulent hatefest.

Ironic that the President created a sensation on his first state visit to China for carrying his own umbrella, isn't it?
Is there a problem, Mr. Premier?
Megan Fox is not entirely to blame for her own silliness; she just obediently picked up the story from some RW propaganda factory like Weasel Zippers and added just enough hysteria to attract other people disposed to fume over a non-story involving their favorite hate-object.
"Douchebags," photo according to Pottymouth Megan Fox
At least Kevin would be creative. Where has he got to, anyway?

Brought to you by Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, the Undead Blog, where we fondly remember the ineluctable stupidity of the RW flip-out over Jacketgate, too.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

A Visit To The Hillbuzz Sock Drawer

Whatever happened to dear Sebastian Gray, who wrote "Gray Matters" for Hillbuzz? Good old "Bast" had his own snappy graphic and everything.  Here he is, as designed by "our good friend Theresa" and modeled by Kevin, his biggest booster:
Kevin Dujan Has A Hole In His Sock
"Theresa" is good at capturing a likeness!

"Bast's" good friend Kevin liked his writing so much, he gave him his own twice-weekly column, although he wrote about "Bast" (and all the crew at Buzzquarters) as if he thought "Bast" would never read it.

Here's Kevin writing with, shall we say, notable vehemence about "Bast's" ex-boyfriend's battleaxe of a mother:
Kevin Dujan Loved His Smurf Clock!
So Kevin, how do you really feel about Sebastian's boyfriend David's Mother?
Sebastian had worse traumas, though, than losing his Smurf Clock to the thrice-married harridan (who even merits her own tag: "Louella the twice-divorced publicly shamed adulteress"): he was mugged. In New York City. By Blacks. 

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Hillbuzz Suffering Halfsphynxiation

American Artemis In CleoPalin Finery, With Sacred Dujbeetle
Harvey Bilk is prognosticating again: SHE'S RUNNING!  How does he know, when the American Artemis, or as I like to think of her, the Wassilla Sphynx, won't even tell her lamestream buddy Greta?

Because she's looking Presidential in Pink! Fashion maven Kevin doesn't remember seeing her in pink before!

Because she didn't mention the actual candidates' names! She just ran them down pointedly enough to make clear whom she was talking about. Clever!

Except for Newt! She gaves props to the man who's just running to pay some bills, as we all know, wink wink! No harm fluffing him. So presidential!

Because she praised the Tea Party and "We the People" and the Pioneering Spirit! Nobody does that who isn't running for president!

And she slammed President Obama! That settles it!


Brought to you by Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, the Undead Blog, who is ready to send a postcard to Sarah herself: RUN SARAH RUN!!!! Make this snark blog the happiest blog in the world. ;o}

Monday, September 12, 2011

Kevin Dujan, Political Analyst

Back in 2008, I actually came up with a slogan for the Republican Party that I’ve tried giving them for two years now, and nobody ever wanted to do anything with it.
I think it’s something we could have a lot of fun with, so I’ve decided just to run with it here on to see what our more creative readers can come up with to fit the theme.
The slogan is:

Republicans: Not as evil as you think.





Brought to you as always by Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, the Undead Blog, who cannot possibly imagine why the Repubs didn't bite, can you?

Saturday, September 10, 2011

An American Artemis For Hillbuzz


O Great Grisly Mama of the Frozen North, Our American Artemis, your followers cry out to you for nourishment, yet none will you give them save the words "my plan," on which they suck even down to the last crumb, for from within to draw the nugatory virtue.

 We venerate thee, Fecund One, who appeareth now here, now there, wherever the light shineth on someone else, for though the voices of our tribe now raise up against thee, we will never falter in our devotion, no matter how embarrassing

Just ask Hillary.

Brought to you as always by Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, the Undead Blog, with apologies to her conservative pals~~hey look, guys, you knew I couldn't keep pulling my punches forever!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Since Hillbuzz Loves To Put President Obama In Whiteface So Much...

Kevin Dujan's Trash Heap Of Buzzery
Speak harshly to your little marks,
And ban them when they grumble,
Call them Eeyores, trolls and orcs;
Abuse will keep them humble.

One good 'Shop deserves another.


There There My Little Pet

Wee slickit, paranoid, slandrous beast,
Your world is not so jolly,
But we don't mind you in the least,
Welcome to Chez Polly!

Brought to you as always by Mrs.Polly of Snarkopolitan, the Undead Blog, running twice as fast just to keep three steps behind the exhausting pace of Harvey Bilk!

Monday, September 5, 2011

Jokes That Write Themselves, Palin Dept: Half-Governor Runs Half Marathon

Conservative Trigger Warning: This post is rated two out of a possible six Conservative 'Splodey Heads.
Noooooo!!!!1!!!!  LIEberals!!!!1!!!Noooooo!!!!1!!!!  LIEberals!!!!1!!!
 If you disagree with this rating, kindly contact mngmnt at provided email address, and to save time, please remember to have your properly arranged bribes in front of you. Your custom is very important to us. 

Why, Why, WHY, Sarah? Why must you do my work for me?
Half-Been Hazards Corner Cutting
And you went unannounced. And you came in second place. Why are you trying to do my job, Sarah Palin?

Brought to you as always by Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, the Undead Blog, who will come in last in any age group unless it's the Diaper Derby, and perhaps even then!

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Only@Tea: Palin Rally Speaker Eric Golub's HighLARious Jokes About Special Needs Children Get Crickets From Hillbuzz

So, Teahadists, you may have carry permits, but what if the proper weapon is a rotten tomato? In Indianola, at yesterday's Greatest Announcement Rally Ever To Never Feature An Announcement, painfully unfunny stockbroker/"comedian" Eric Golub joked about the youngest Palin being "defective:"

Palin “has such a value for human life, that she would even bring a child into this world she knew that modern medical technology would show that would be defective ideologically like Nancy Pelosi.”

What a wretch.  You'd think he'd have had to leave the stage under the assault of whatever overripe produce was to hand, but from the devoted Palinista crowd, crickets.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Hey Hillbuzz, Is It Too Late To Enter This In The Photoshop Sarah Palin In The Oval Office Contest?

Conservative trigger warning: this post is rated four out of a possible six conservative 'splodey heads.
Noooooo!!!!1!!!!  LIEberals!!!!1!!!Noooooo!!!!1!!!!  LIEberals!!!!1!!!Noooooo!!!!1!!!!  LIEberals!!!!1!!!Noooooo!!!!1!!!!  LIEberals!!!!1!!!
Oh Harvey Bilk, do you have to hang em' right over the plate like this?

America's Back Seat Driver In The Oval Office
 You might as well be a pitcher for the Cubs: