Sunday, November 28, 2010

Hillbuzz: Trowel Dissection 101

The One, The Loud--
Go ahead, Harvey--live your dream!

"The greatest regret in my life is that I couldn’t wear the uniform and serve this country as a Marine." --Kevin Dujan, .

Well now, that's a shame, but Kevin, you should take heart--and Snarkopolitan would be proud to assist you in a little bit of self-actualization. Reading your 1100-word lament was so heart-rending that we (that is, "I"--bad Polly! You know there's only one of you!) forgive you for targeting this then-defunct, now alive-and-kicking blog. Snarko is here due to you, Harvey Bilk! So let us help you walk tall.

Although, at 33 (Jesus' age!) you are now officially too old to enlist in the Marines proper, there are plenty of other branches of the service willing to take you, especially now that DADT is on its way out. Recruiters are now openly ignoring DADT. Of course, many other LGBTs didn't let DADT stop them and just lived with being closeted the best they could, the better to serve their country. Here is a link to OUTSERVE, an organization specifically for LGBT military. The culture is changing; my supervisor, who served four tours of duty in active combat in both Iraq wars, said, "Why should I care what the guy is holding the gun, long as he can cover me?"

Here are the maximum ages for enlistment in the service. You can see that you're well within range for a number of branches!

Army - 42 (must ship to basic training prior to 42nd birthday)
Air force - 27
Navy - 34
Marines - 28
Coast Guard - 27. Note: Up to age 32 for those selected to attend A-school directly up to enlistment (this is mostly for prior service).

Army Reserves - 42 (must ship to basic training prior to 42nd birthday)
Army National Guard - 35 (changed from 42 in 2009)
Air Force Reserve - 34
Air National Guard 40 (Change from 34 in Aug 2009)
Navaol Reserves - 39
Marine corps Reserve - 29
Coast Guard Reserves - Age 39

There you go. Even if you're a little out of shape, there's no better health club than the one they have at the local base--my friend's cousin Debbie was 48, overweight, and diabetic. She'd been in the Guard in the '80s, and was called back, whipped into shape at Fort Drum, and shipped out to drive trucks in Iraq. They obviously need people. One of those people could be you! It's terrible to see a young man pining for what he thinks is unattainable, when it's actually within his grasp. Go for it, Kevin!
Never Give Up!
Never Surrender! Fix Garden Implements! Do it for Cleveland!

You're welcome.

*Brought to you as always by Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, the undead blog, thanks to the tender ministrations of Kevin Dujan. **Special Note to Kevin: the military stuff is good, but to really bring in the sawbucks, needs MOAR NUNS ; ^ }

*Snarkofriend and fellow prosecutee, Betty Cracker, has an uproarious "graphic novelini" devoted to the $hillbuzz Executive Decision-making Process. Go and laugh!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

My Reality's Better! A Peaceful Delusion For The Season

I All Better! I Stop Now.
Kim Jong-il, having gotten all the negative attention the dictator of a tenth-rate nuclear power could wish for, agrees to cease trading insults and ICBMs with the South, and accepts the Obama Administration's offer of fruit baskets for everybody, and an invitation to show Pulgasari, his home-made-with-the-help-of-the famous-director-and-his-wife-whom-he-kidnapped, monster movie at the WH.

Look! He's eating the needle!

(X-posted at Rumproast, America's Meatiest Blog, and brought to you as always, by Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, the undead blog, where second life needs no linden dollars. Thanks, Kevin Dujan! Aren't you glad? I know I am. ; 0 })

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Hillidaze! Requiem For A Real Turkey

Great Gobbling Goof!

Amazing. He has time to put up eight posts by two PM, despite his exhausting schedule of nonstop altruism. No matter how done he is, he still keeps gobbling!

**UPDATE** Fourteen (14) posts on Thanksgiving, including Arts and Crafts with all his friends, whose pictures, nay, even pictures of his friends' hands making crafts, never appear. I can understand their reluctance. The Internet is a crazy place. The Shillbuzzed Community's sympathies to new Dujan victim M. M. (He gives her full name and location, of course! I hope she doesn't have an Ebay business to expose!)who will shortly be feeling the full effects of her unwitting exposure to the World's Crummiest Would-Be Cult Leader. This is why I am not yet ready to let bygones be bygones. The World's Crummiest Would-Be Cult Leader will continue to cry victim while victimizing others, which just burns me.

Oh well. Enjoy your day, friends, however you spend it. We're able to talk to each other, and I'm thankful for that.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Sliming, Part Deux:Flim-Flam Dujan Repeats His False Charges

3rd Degree Shillburn
Burning bridges and readers since at least 2008

It's a press release. It is sprinkled with gems like this:

DuJan, a marketing and fundraising consultant, has created a community that allows gays and conservatives to get to know each other in a respectful, irreverent, but always pro-America environment.

There will be a short pause while ex-Hillbuzzers stop rolling in the aisles and clutching their sides in a respectful, irreverent, but always pro-America way. As it is by Dujan **UPDATE** My good friend YAFB points out that it's actually by a Hillbuzzer who's involved with publicity, whose name I'm not going to use because it's not, exactly, her best work, and now back to our blog post in progress**, it is naturally five times longer than it should be--you'd think a marketing consultant would know these things, but really, his specialty has always been fundraising, hasn't it!

But let's be unDujanian and cut to the chase:
religious people don’t hate us as much as our own leaders do…as much as the Democrat Party in fact does," says DuJan, who has been the subject of smear campaigns orchestrated by liberal and leftist hate sites.

And guess where he links! "Thank you for your support," in which he replays the entire Grand Inquisition Hit Parade, from Snarkopolitan to George Soros to the Man In The Moon. We remember that tune, don't we! Pretty ballsy coming from the Conductor of the Smear Campaign Orchestra.

This classic tissue of lies (mattress of lies, more like) is dated 11/1/10. That was before Kevin Dujan made the mistake of letting his contempt for his readers, much less the truth, show a little too openly. The last time he attacked my innocent friends and me, I thought the entire Right-O-Sphere was going to go after us, but this time, his brand is soiled, and people are just beginning to become aware that Kevin Dujan is a con-artist and liar of the first water. Indeed, I might admire his inventiveness if it weren't used to injure other people.

But even though he's lost most of his audience, it's not like it hasn't happened before; he just reconstitutes, depends on short memories and the fatigue of normal people who try to deal with him, and there he is back at the delete button (which must currently be smoking), madly typing, or texting, away, bathed only in the glow of his Paypal logo, trusting that he can attract a fresh bunch of marks by feeding them star-spangled malarkey.

He's managed to convince a number of harried media producers with minutes to fill and no research budgets, that he is the go-to conservative blogger Bristol Palin can thank for her dance across America's hearts (or spleens, depending), through an "orchestrated campaign" of his own. Sounds like they're actually reading that press release. (BTW, Hillbuzz, says the press release, offers:
commentary and illustrations from several undercover Conservative and Independent contributors.

That's right, illustrators whose work is now appearing uncredited: you are "UNDERCOVER."

In the "Thank You For Your Support" post, (AKA "Mattress of Lies"), Dujan thoughtfully includes links to all the Right-Wing websites that picked up the story and passed it along. It brought him a great deal of recognition, readers, and money. It brought me a bunch of nightmares, a new-found appreciation for cheap happy-hour margaritas, and other ills I've detailed before. But now that I see it again, it strikes me just how handy those links are for, say, former Hillbuzzers (I'm calling them RefuBees) to use to make very clear that the "Boyz" of Hillbuzz are a single scheming shlub whose learning curve is flatter than his prose.

Brought to you as always by Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, the undead blog~~oh, I was going to write such a different post until I read that press release! I had such a good Blingee! Oh, well. A lovely Thanksgiving to all. Mrs. P

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Dancing The Electric BugZapALoo

Hail The Heavy Hand of Dr. Nooooooo!!!
Let us use Tesla's Power for Good!

Here at Snarkopolitan, we, that is I (have to stop doing that!) have a so-far unstated, because so-far unformulated, because so-far unneeded, policy toward moderation, dissent (a-hah! she's been reading elsewhere, again!), and trolling, what is it, do trolls really live under bridges, will people be declared trolls and zapped or will I be rude to them, etc etc.

From the past several months of snarking a particularly paranoid blogger's InstaTroll Kit, you can probably deduce that I am not going to want to do the same. And I don't like the designation "troll" anyway. If somebody shows up and keeps spraying graffiti on my sofa cushions, I might have to use the horrible Power with which Blogger has invested me, but disagreement, even strong disagreement, is not going to be deleted or considered trolling, even if reading the very words feels like being covered in fire-ants.

Those commenters I disagree with, I will answer, not delete, if I'm not too tired, busy, or preoccupied with pruning my Euphorbia), and I will do my best to adhere to my father's admonition,"Never say anything you wouldn't be proud to have on the front page of the New York Times." I also believe in being respectful to readers, but if somebody in my opinion crosses a line, I will say so. I think that's fair. I am talking about tone, not content. Yesterday, something along that line happened, and I invite anybody who isn't already bored and saying, "Good Lord, that post is running long...she's beginning to sound like you-know-who," to review the comments of yesterday (Snarkopolitan's only 100+ comment post, and likely to remain so!), and see if I was peremptory or unfair.

All right, enough of that! It's Saturday, and we're going to see Scissors Dancing!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Hillbuzz: Ask Not For Whom The Bull Trolls

Dujan Vue
Seeing the world through troll-colored glasses

To Kevin Dujan, the World's Crappiest Cult Leader, All the World's a Troll. Take his easy online Troll Recognition Course, available for only a few easy payments, and learn how the slightest dissent turns anyone, even a long-term supporter, into a troll! (worst crime: "Kevin, could you maybe edit this a little?") Watch as Bev The Enforcer drop-kicks discussions into the next time-zone ("This is trolling, and has to end NOW!") and thrill as hapless regulars try to absorb Harvey Bilk's rampant paranoia in instructional form:

"(2) Keep using logic and calm, reasoned tones with the trolls. Keep calling them out, but in a non-flaming, non-name-calling way. Just keep saying, “You might not mean to, but you sure sound like a troll for the following reasons…” or “What you are saying sounds really fishy, almost as if you were a plant sent here by the Romney Campaign or the Cocktail Party GOP establishment.

Very almost rational and non-flaming, there, Harvey. Now I'm beginning to wonder if you're not a DNC plant yourself, placed to lure conservatives into making an ever-more ludicrous spectacle of themselves as they cast each other into the Truth Pond and watch the innocents sink.

Special Blingee of Merit for Comment Most Likely To Finish Pushing Harvey Over The Edge:

Have you thought about setting up a paypal account (or something similar) for donations? I’d give in a heartbeat.

Harvey's Bilking Machine

Oh, I think he has, dallasbound. Good luck on your trip! Call when you get there; we worry. (H/T: my esteemed colleague and fellow-prosecutee--Betty Cracker. Hey Kevin--CASSEROLES. BOO!)

Brought to you as always by Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, the undead blog, jolted to life by this very same Harvey Bilk, and serving the I Can't Believe I Was Hillbuzzed! Community since about yesterday this time. Hello, Recoverees!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Hillbuzz USO Post, or, What Have You Done To Attack A War Widow Today?

Can't Spell Flies Without Lies!
SAD SAX--no futuristic dystopia is complete without him!

They are all heart over at Hillbuzz. Proprietor Harvey Bilk, aka Kevin Dujan, exhorted his conservative followers to volunteer one day a year for the USO, with this encouraging call-to-arms:

"Conservatives need to start telling little Susie and Billy they have to miss ballet and hockey ONE DAMN DAY in November and December. There will be plenty of crap for you to buy at Costco the next day, I swear.

It is shameful you invoke God whenever it’s time to judge others but you love sitting on that butt of yours drinking your Pepsi instead of helping people who need it at the holidays."

That was bracing, wasn't it! It certainly frosted Dujan's new Rush-referred audience, as well as some of his regular Sarah Palinophiliacs. Dujan went on, ludicrously (and, as it was a Saturday night, perhaps drunkenly), to insist on his Rev. Moon-like edict, no matter what the real-life situations of his readers, posting simply, "What have you done for the USO?" and "Please elucidate" in answer to offended readers, including the widow of a soldier:

shelby68 Says:

USO is not organization which receives my family’s charitable time or charitable donations. My former husband already gave the ultimate sacrifice to the military and to the country. I think our family’s contributions to the government and to the military are marked paid in full.

  1. Hillbuzz Says:

    What do you do for the USO?

    If nothing, please explain why you can’t find one day a week to support our troops.

    Am dying to hear why you are too busy or important to volunteer.

    Please explain

Can't Spell Flies Without Lies!
A couple of Hillbuzzers tried to head Harvey (sorry, I just like my name for him best) off from the precipice, but he was bound and determined to jump:

JkR Says:

I think that you missed the part where she is a widow of a soldier KIA.

Oh, but Harvey hasn't missed it at all! Why should a soldier's widow get a pass from Harvey on the arbitrary symbolic service Harvey has picked out for her, or anybody, no matter how much they give in their own way, of their own free will?

(Here I would like just to note that no sane person, liberal or not, would accuse conservatives of laziness, or lack of charitable giving; libs may object to conservatives' choice of charities [those promoting the intrusion of church into state, for instance], but it's just plain moonbarking nuts to insist conservatives don't give.)

Hillbuzz loyalists performed thanklessly athletic contortions to excuse Dujan's weirdly inhumane hissy fit:

P Says:

Kevin, are you drunk?

  1. Hillbuzz Says:

    Why haven’t you listed what you do instead of volunteering for the USO at the holidays?

    I am waiting.

    I have not had a drink since Pride in June, honey.

    You want to call me drunk for calling out conservative laziness. So be it.

    Still want to know why you sit on your butt all day when there is stuff to be done.

    How about answering that instead of insulting me?

Can't Spell Flies Without Lies!
OK! Not drunk. Meth? Or not enough lithium, perhaps, but not drunk! And so the thread went, a study in group dynamics, peer-pressure, rationalization, and a master-class in passive aggression. "Don't worry," multiple Hillbuzzers reassured the outraged newbies, "it's a troll. It isn't usually like this. This isn't our Kevin."

My good friend Strangeappar8us suggests reading the thread while listening to the theme from North By Northwest, while I find the comments sound best read in Peter Lorre's voice:

"You must...excuse the master....he's not usually like this....he's been under a terrible strain..."

The fearsome KOS has hacked us! It doesn't sound like Kevin at all!--it's a psy-ops trick of Kevin's to toughen us! The excuses knotted up that thread and the open thread after it, but the Hillbuzzards also made clear why the astonishing nastiness and downright loopiness of the USO thread Kevin was no fluke. First, a rare lucid commenter:

Debra Says:

This whole “it was a hacker” theory has lost it’s credibility as the day wears on and Hillbuzz posts other posts. I’ll give Kevin a hissy fit, but he needs to at the very least acknowledge that it was a hissy fit, and apologize to the posters where he needs to apologize. Just calling Kevin or Hillbuzz out on something does not make someone a troll. And just because it may not have bothered you doesn’t mean that you get to tell us how to feel about it – you can feel like it was about absolutely nothing, but I was irritated by the post and I have a very high tolerance rate for that kind of stuff. I can blow it off after initially being steamed but others may not be able to, and I understand that.

Naturally, logic at Hillbuzz got Debra only mixed success:
  1. Suz Says:

    It’s not Kevin.

  2. Ad rem Says:

    Amen Debra!

Then, uber-devotees showed how the inherent awfulness that is the Hillbuzz way inevitably makes itself manifest:
Karma Says:

Hurt fee fees vs troops who are risking their lives.

I don’t have the ‘holier-than-thou attitude’ and ‘you deserved it’ mantra. I noted the difference that conservatives here take when the snark is pointed at them and rather than liberals. Like it or not. If you can dish it out but you can’t take it…that is hypocritical.

Also the indignation started before the lady with the ‘former husband’ who gave the ‘ultimate sacrifice’ posted. She didn’t really call herself a ‘fallen soldier’s widow’ but when looking at the time stamps. It looks like HillBuzz went down the list of whiners and posted the same basic question.

“What have you done for the troops?”

Like it or not that isn’t an offensive question to ask a military widow even if he saw that she was one.

If anything it honors her husband by a stranger thinking of the troops. Of all the vets I know, the bonding experienced in war and to the soldiers who are still alive, run deep. Without fail they want the men who have passed and are still alive to be appreciated….even if they never served together.

You can still pretend hurt fee fees are more important than appreciating the troops. But I can’t and won’t….military families know the deal. Chances are high your beloved father, husband, son, wife, daughter might not come home during war.

The argument still stands even with the victim card thrown by you. Donating time to troops vs hurt fee fees over a post…ugh…makes my stomach turn it is so lame.

So, finally, we have arrived. Enough with the posturing: to "Karma," and the real true Buzzdolts, Harvey the BlunderGnome is completely justified attacking the fallen soldier's wife; she's playing the victim card!

Playing the victim card brings us to Dujan's original post, which remains deeply offensive for all sorts of reasons not observed by the wounded conservatives:

First, if anybody is so suggestible as to take Dujan's tone of aggrieved martyrdom seriously, then that person would have to conclude that helping people with AIDS is unrelievedly awful. What a disservice to AIDs volunteerism that would be; fortunately, most sensible people will question the veracity of many parts of Dujan's, as usual, unsubstantiated tale of persecution, this time by his "clients:" people with AIDS who hate him for no good reason at all!

"I am not asking you to bring meals to AIDS shut-ins and clean their apartments on holidays – I do that too, it is NOT fun, and the people I do this for are always mean to me and resent me for being healthy."

Those who have actually done the work will know that terribly ill people have their ups and downs, but if the PWAs receiving the tender care of Kevin Dujan universally hate him, something else is happening besides jealousy of his health (nobody could envy his mental health, for instance).

Ingrates! Those terribly ill PWAs are always mean to poor Harvey! And he feeds the homeless, too, even though:

"I am not asking you to feed the homeless – I do that, and it is scary and terrible."

How odd that my experience feeding the homeless (goodwill-purchased bread machine, many homeless men and women enjoying happy still-warm loaves and East Village cheese store bargains--it's still open, btw, go and buy wonderful cheese!--) was heartwarming and restorative to all of us. I feel selfish for enjoying it so much, instead of suffering as Harvey Bilk does when he does something good. Once a year.

It would be hilarious if it weren't so horrid. Richard Dawkins himself would pray for the day of judgement just so the shade of the husband whose wife Harvey and his buzzing ghouls insulted could rise up and stare these grotesques down as devils drag them into perdition.

Can't Spell Flies Without Lies!

Brought to you as always by Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, the undead blog, in between stretches of real, genuine, pleasant, non-Buzzy living!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Hillbuzz Open Threat-Note To Hillbuzzers: Oh Yes, That's Him Alright!

Open Threat! Who Are The Shillbuzzers Attacking Today?
Even the ever-suppurating neurons of Harvey Bilk must occasionally take an hour off from generating accusations of slander and bathetic jingoistic buffoonery!

If you landed on this page by accident, unlike the unpleasant creatures above, my apologies. These are the sad little colonists of Hillbuzz, whose owner is climbing his way up the political opportunist's ladder one whisper campaign at a time. It's a long story.

But my regular readers will recognize the graphic above, no doubt. Having a life to lead and all, I just can't equal Harvey Bilk's output, ever. But there should be a place to note his more egregious tomfoolery, and so, without further ado, Snarkopolitan's first open thread!

Mr. Dujan's readers are trying their best to excuse his nutty and unnecessarily vicious, self-ennobling, Holier Than Everybody, USO thread. No dears, you have simply been sucked into the imaginings of the World's Crummiest Would-Be Cult Leader. When I have more time, I'll illustrate exactly why yes, that IS Kevin Dujan taking a smarmy dump on you all.

brought to you as always by Mrs. Polly, who cannot keep up as she does not have the strength of the Mad.