Thursday, December 2, 2010

Trowel Dissection, Part Deux: Kevin Dujan Loves A Good Character

I'll Have The Lie A La Mode
Ya want lies with that, honey?

Oh, Brother! All right, she might exist. A snappy, red-haired, hash-slinging waitress named Shirley, who works in a Chicago diner, orders the customers to finish their vegetables, reads twinks for filth on their unflattering club kid outfits, and still is naively exuberant enough to wave at the television because Kevin Dujan is on it could possibly exist somewhere outside of Mr. Dujan's febrile imagination.

But she bears more than a passing resemblence to every Central Casting stock waitress ever to have slapped an order of Adam and Eve on a raft in front of a hard-boiled dick (tective! Pipe down, back there!) in a film noir since Philip Marlowe first pulled up the collar of his trenchcoat. Only in this case the hard-boiled dick (it's what they're called! All right?) is Kevin Dujan, survivor of nefarious left-wing plots, mercilessly bullied by the Forces of Evyll (the "bullying" coming mostly in the form of snickering. But hey, snickering hurts like fire!)

So far, Harvey Bilk's most enchanting characters have failed to materialize. The most glaring absence was the botched Glenn Beck rally meet-up, where all of Kevin's Brideshead ReRan characters were somehow somewhere else, despite Dujan's customers having paid for each of their rooms and travel: where was Panda? Where Robby? Sebastian Grey?
Menu: Patty Melts & Pandas
Eventually, Dujan simply stops talking about Sebastian Grey, whose clever little graphic looks suspiciously like...Kevin Dujan. Who is a "lifelong Democrat" of exactly the same stripe as Kevin Dujan. And, who most tellingly, writes exactly, lengthily, like Kevin Dujan. And who wrote just a couple of posts before disappearing, presumably back to his dashing life as a second-string Evelyn Waugh personage, fretfully plucking at the pills on his acrylic cricket sweater in the back of Dujan's overpopulated imagination, waiting for his next call on the bench next to Ann-Louise Melton in her Eve Arden-smart hopsacking suit, adorable Panda, dear little Niblet, and other characters named after whatever other previously inanimate foodstuffs Dujan found he could turn into Lewis Carroll-like figures (Alice? Pudding! Pudding? Alice! Take away the Pudding!) because his eye fell upon them while in the midst of a creative seizure, whether on his plate, in the pantry, or perhaps waving from the late-night television screen. Anyone for a Patty Melt? Writes exactly like Sebastian Gray, which is to say exactly like our own fabulist Kevin Dujan!

So here we are back at Shirley the snappy waitress, who slings hash with pride, but has a secret sorrow: no, not being a lesbian--this is Boystown! No no, worse: she is a Conservative! A Conservative Lesbian waitress, and just one of a circle of Conservative Lesbians, so thrilled to see Dujan bravely representing the Gay Conservative underclass on the Tube that Shirley stands up and waves at him on the TV like a tweeny-bopper at a Justin Beiber concert.
Dujan Java Jive
It seems that Shirley is grateful, because she, as a Republican, is part of an oppressed minority for whose rights Kevin is now bravely fighting: members of the service industry whose employers monitor their right-wing reading matter.

Introducing Eye-Candy Dan, a 23-year-old who walks around Boystown with a copy of George W Bush's biography under his arm, causing the owner of the bar where he works to erupt in fury and, according to Dujan, fire him:

“You aren’t a Republican, are you?”, the owner asked him. “Because you can’t work here if you are a Republican. Your ass is gone if you are Republican”.

(Charming patchwork effect thanks to Googlecache.)

Add Eye-Candy Dan to Scaredy-Cat Craig, the bartender who's afraid to be seen talking to Kevin Dujan, the both of them victimized, like Shirley the Waving Waitress, by relentless persecution from the Lefty Haters of Boystown.

Here I have a personal detail to reveal. A couple of decades ago, I, Mrs. Polly, worked for a gay bar. It was a drag bar in the middle of North Carolina, and after I did Art Deco-esque murals behind the upstairs bar, the owner hired me to be a kind of bouncer for the drag queens' dressing room. I was really sort of like the nanny goat in a stable of thoroughbreds.
Polly Among The Tall & Fabulous
I had a simply wonderful time with the DQs, who treated me as a combination living Barbie Head (my unprocessed hair was always good for a few hot-roller experiments), and drag-guardian (their sparkly articles were referred to thusly: "thanks for watching over my drag, honey").
Brideshead Reran
It would of course be wrong to extrapolate the behavior of all bar owners from my couple of years of experience, but I still feel safe in saying that all a bar owner is interested in is employees who will show up reliably and keep their fingers out of the till. My North Carolingian drag-bar employer hired drag queen rednecks (yes!), and would have hired Jesse Helms himself if his physique had been better and he'd been willing to dance in a go-go cage.
Amoral Aroma
So Dujan's fantastic and typically unsupported tale of persecution is even more ludicrous than the usual, though "I will reveal the details if ever "Dan" finds another job" can be added to the list of promises which Harvey Bilk's cult members are not likely to see fulfilled (Pictures of the Glenn Beck Rally, anybody?). A bartender's job is to sell drinks. If he looks hot, he'll sell more drinks (and make better tips), and the bar owner doesn't give a flying fig who the bartender talks to as long as his money's good. Period, Finis.

Surely, some of Harvey Bilk's characters must exist, musn't they? Perhaps so. The trouble is telling which, since we know Harvey's, to be kind, a creative writer. Putting himself at two different Thanksgiving tables to construct the same sad craft-paper turkey is just one example of what multitudes he contains. Or, to be succinct: he's a liar.

We do know, however, that some of Harvey Bilk's, or Kevin Dujan's, characters absolutely exist. Who are they? His victims. His victims, his victims. If he attacks someone, he usually does it by full name and location if he can get hold of it, over and over. His fabrications, tellingly, are always the same: that his supposed antagonists wish him to die of AIDS, even the gay ones, whether live or by email. It's an ugly, ugly, accusation, an ugly, ugly thought, and, after twenty-five years of the world's living with AIDS, curiously behind-the-times. Though bigots may still resort to wishing AIDS upon homosexuals, there is a wealth, sad to say, of (don't bother if you don't have to with this depressing link; it's just for verification) other slurs frequently employed by homophobes in 2010. Teenagers on Facebook, for example?

That every hateful person in contact with Kevin Dujan uses the exact same expression once again points to the fabricated nature of his complaints. It's the work of a lazy fiction writer. It also points to Kevin Dujan's sad, repellent, interior.

Brought to you as always by Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, the undead blog, part of an ever-growing network of post-Dujan blogs left and right. Cheers, kids! What a long strange trip, etc!


  1. Hello Mrs. Polly, good to see you again.
    KD seems to bounce back and forth from his "persecution" meme, to full "attack" mode, where he does to others, usually many times over, what he claims the "left" is doing to him.
    Occasionally he wanders into the "ridiculous, hateful speculation" meme. This is where someone named Hera is causing people to come down with cancer, (Ted Kennedy), have accidents, and suffer personal or political (John Edwards) misfortune. These people are usually guilty of "backstabbing" Mrs. Clinton, or saying something nasty about Sarah Palin. Though it's obvious that Edwards problems are of his own making, and most people would have more class than to blame a cancer victim for their own disease, this does not seem to have stopped the posters from cheering the death, illness, and political and personal misfortunes of several of their fellow human beings.
    Great graphics in the post!

  2. Hi Mrs. P. AFinch from Honey Trail here. We recently posted an update to our DuJan series in which we linked to the google cache of the USO thread (which you so kindly provided in your archive). I just noticed this morning that the link no longer works and have now provided a link to your archives. Do you have any insights into why the google link no longer works? Do you know where else we might find the USO thread in its native format?

  3. Another excellent (and amusingly illustrated) exposé. Love the drag queen dressing room bouncer story, and I implore you to post photos of the murals you did for the bar!

    I knew DuJan was attempting to raise travel and lodging money not only for himself but for his sockpuppets. But the comments of some of his disgruntled former contributors reveal how successful he was at it.

    Boy did he ever pee in his chili by pissing those folks off! He might be forced to find honest work, and lord knows that's hard to do in this GWB-wrecked economy...

  4. Hi Mrs. P. AFinch again. Apparently, Mr. D. has asked google to remove all HB info from its cache. Any chance you kept a hard copy of it?

  5. Betty, he sure did, and good luck to him finding a job that will feed him and keep him out of trouble. No E-Vile Leftie could ever hurt his career prospects as much as his own mouth.

    The bar murals are long gone, as is Forty-Second Street, the bar. The photographs too, I'm afraid; the murals were black and silver paint on a blue ground, depicted shirtless men in top hats and women on half-moon swings, and were the Deal! at the time.

    @AFinch: Sorry, you were caught in the new Spam filter I didn't know how to work for a time! Yes, it looks like Kevin is doing some cleaning up, closing the barn door after the entire stable of horses fled and he burned the place to the ground! Pretty silly, since we all have varying copies of the thing, and the multiple comments on multiple threads about it just point up the absence more painfully.

    In the old days, when I was teasing heavily-moderated PUMA blogs, I christened this comments-about-vanished-stuff phenomenon "PUMAmento." Kevin's got a very bad case of PUMAmento.

    BTW, I linked Honeytrail in the little signature above, under "right." You know, directionally.
    ; 0 )

    Did you ever hear from Shelby, btw? Perhaps she just decided to turn off her computer after Kevin smacked her down. I hope she finds you. Shelby!! Good to see you, too! The Hera series is awful, but Harvey's choice of Hera always amused me. Zeus wasn't merciful; he was a compulsive philanderer, and Hera's revenge was always on women she suspected of knocking sandals with the notoriously unfaithful Big God. That's why they were always being disguised as cows, or he was putting on his Swan costume ("Honey, did I see feathers on your toga again?" "What, dearest? I was down at the forge with Hephaestus, I told you that!")

    Olympian Fail, Harvey!

    The vengeful wallowing Harvey does in, specifically, other people's illness and death, is unspeakable.

    "You can believe Hillary has a heart attack/brain tumor ray like the one she aimed at Tim Russert and Ted Kennedy."

    Good Lord.

  6. @PFinch: No, unfortunately. Doesn't matter, though; we've LOADS of other evidence!

    And the right people have seen it already.

    Going to save my other pages now. Alas, Google cache, I knew you too well!

  7. Also, my Microsoft Paint is buggy, and I can't do screencaps any more! (for now. Have to update, obviously.) But anything you wish to capture, do it now!

  8. Thanks Mrs. P--I did catch the link to Honey Trail. Thank you. I downloaded your archived version, so at least we have that.
    I'm pretty sure Google can recreate the whole thread if it became necessary to do so. People kept commenting on that thread for days afterward--it felt like whispering in the back of the room--all of which Google captured. KD's conduct is particularly telling here. He isn't acting like someone with nothing to hide. AFinch

  9. Hi Mrs. Polly, well the folks at Bletchley Park were highly receptive, considerably concerned, and immediately engaged in "counting their spoons". Obviously many were missing. (((( visibly standing aghast ))))

    Unfortunately, many reputations -based on vouching references- are now mired, and clouded. The woven threads of the 'tangled web' are being painstakenly unraveled. It is not an arbitrary co-incidence the desperate pace of web repair and historical scrubbing has picked up simultaneously by the perpetrator.

    Soon the threads of truth will find "very high profile".... An influencial Bletchley Park Elephant with concerns of KD 'musth' is hovering finger atop a highly visible publish button just finalizing a 'proof'-read for accuracy.

    Oh what a tangled web was weaved....

    Best wishes and warm hospice appreciation.

  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

  11. Spelled it wrong!


    Why...Anonymous...what you write is so...enigmatic.

    ; ^ }

  12. Hi Mrs. P. AFinch again. Apparently, Mr. D. has asked google to remove all HB info from its cache.

    For the record, DuJbag didn't collude with Google to have the page taken out of their cache. Google doesn't index pages (including caches) anymore if they get repeated 404 (page missing) errors. All he had to do was kill the post and wait for it to get washed out of Google.

  13. Anonymous at 8:12...

    Thanks muchly for the 411 re Google caching.

  14. You can see how many commenters Kev has lost just by looking at his latest threads: 12 comments there, 17 here, where there used to be 100s (OK, 30% were from Bev, but still ...)

    Kev must be frantically looking about for a way to re-capture attention and find a source of revenue. DWTS is over, there's nothing new to say about the TSA patting down your tender parts and his latest bait, the "Pigford Black reparations" whatever that is, isn't drawing them in.

    Interesting to see what he'll do next. He still has a bleg upfront, but somehow I don't see admitting that he's spending it as fast as it comes in is going to hit the right note.

  15. Yes, Mary, he is really mining now for material. He tried with the Pigford thing, and also the "birth certificate seal" thing, but nothing seems to be riling up the base.

  16. Yes, I was just at Patrick McKinnon's Bad Fiction blog and he mentioned that Kevin had gone birfer.

    Oh Kevin. It just makes you look so desperate.

  17. For someone who claims to be from NYC and not interested, you sure writlos lot about Chicago Republican politics, and knowledgably, too. So what is the truth?

  18. Anonymous, I'm moving your comment to the current thread, which is the More Than You Ever Wanted To Know About Chicago Politics post, and I'll answer you up there.

    Meet you up top! Bring a windbreaker; we are talking about Chicago politicians, after all.