MUTTONCHOP CITY ELECTION SPECIAL

another all-too-true tale from the vertical trailer park Mrs. Polly calls home

confronting the phalanx of goofs

While North Carolina and Indiana were going to the primary polls, *Muttonchop was in the throes of its annual Board election. Why should anybody be interested in squabbling shareholders at an apartment complex in New York? Because we're squabbling over stealing away with YOUR TAX DOLLARS (Mrs. Polly, your author, is anti-theft).

Also, because the pro-theft, pro-privat--- well, it's a dirty word, but it ends in "atization" group, Muttonchop Rights, could give Grover Norquist and Karl Rove lessons in mendacity and dirty tricks.

Above, you see the gantlet Muttonchop voters must run (or roll) to get to the Community Room and vote. Note the three types waiting to pounce on the hapless voter at left with more of the fliers that traditionally blanket Muttonchop City during board elections.

THE GOOD GUYS PROBLEM, CLEVERLY IF AMATEURISHLY ILLUSTRATED

as indicated by the sentiments on the three fliers, left to right:

1. 
   
   "Vote Me"--- Mrs. Mamma runs every year, independently, as an anti-other ethnicities candidate. She never wins, but her children, Dominique and Dom-boy, are very proud of her.


2. 
   
   "You'll Be Rich"---Muttonchop Rights has a simple message everybody wants to hear. Three sweet syllables. It's false, of course, or only true for a minority of people (the lawyers and brokers in Muttonchop Rights)


3. 
   
   "Ask for More Information,and You'll See That You Won't Be Rich Because You Need to Live Somewhere So You'll Have to Buy a Place Unless You Already Have One And Besides They Count the Same Money Three Different Times And Besides It's Wrong to Take Something You Benefited From and Leave Nothing For Anybody Coming After You And Within Five Years Maintenance Will More Than Double But Not Right Away And They'll All Be Gone And We'll Be In The Hole"

You see our problem: our message is not sound-biteable, it's indigestible. True, but indigestible.

Our group is led by Mr. Polly and *Vincent Piano, a courtly gentleman who speaks and writes in baroque, elliyptical flourishes that seem to have no foundation nouns or verbs. We spend hours snipping the verbal furbelows off his speeches.

Vincent fancies himself the soul of civility and bonhomie, squeezing shoulders and slapping the backs of the pro-priva**za***n board members, willfully unaware that they hate him:

titular head of Muttonchop Rights Toby Mugg, Vincent Piano, and Board President Will Waskoal

Vincent should be called "Pianissimo," for his reputed years of deft, unctuous behind-the-scenes manipulations on the Board. He's from the Old Neighborhood, where old pols pulled all the strings of everyday life, and he has the aura of those old-time pols. Nobody will ever be able to suss out his ultimate motivations, probably including Vincent.

But he has come out solidly, even heroically, against *Priv***za***n. As a member of the anti-theft minority on the board, he rises to object to virtually every motion through a chorus of groans. It's a useless formality, since every "open" board meeting is preceded by the real meeting, which takes place at Wil Wascoal's apartment, and excludes Vincent. There the real business is decided, to be subsequently presented to the minority as a fait accompli.

Despite his present powerlessness, Vincent is regarded with the sort of fear usually accorded those whose images don't show up in mirrors and other classic cartoon villains:

from our Lovely Neighbors at Muttonchop Rights, Inc

a treatise in civility

Now here is an official, complex-wide acknowledgement of our Sheeplike status, and a death threat, or at least morbidly wishful thinking. This kind of jumps out at you:When I decided to call our housing complex "Muttonchop City," it was to emphasize that we sheep are about to be more than shorn, we're going to be dinner. I wanted to not get more death threats, hide from the search engines of my lovely neighbors,and from the sue-happy lawyers of Muttonchop Rights:

Mr. Toby Mugg, Esq., the titular Head of Muttonchop Rights, and counsel for:
Mr. Lonnie Angler, Esq.,the lawyer who sued a 92-year-old lady for slander. For 2 million dollars.

I have duly noted Muttonchop Rights' irresistable desire to tell the whole fable, right up to the Wolf's demise.