Hey Kevin, Madame Secretary Called

Now it can be revealed! Kevin Dujan's fifth imaginary friend!

--And she wants her cardboard cut-out back, so it can be given to someone who respects her more, like Jon Favreau.

So much craziness, so little time. My apologies to my ones of readers, who have followed this halting narrative ever since Kevin Dujan, (aka "Harvey Bilk", or lately, "Uremic Heap") decided to use me and my then-dormant blog for lucrative target-practice, but life keeps intervening, or else I just don't have the drive of the Mad the way he does. I can barely manage to be one person, for instance, whereas he's managed to dupe his readers into believing that he's a bunch of "boiz," all of whom need support (samoleons)!

I will be continuing to put up posts, and have half-a-dozen going on sale shortly, because, although they're past their freshness date, they're still okay, and won't give you any more of a stomach ache than can be had by reading his awful, awful, blog. So stay tuned, and thank you so much for your more than patience.

brought to you as always by Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, the undead blog, constantly falling behind the skulduggery of the skulduggerers, center cannot hold, worst full of passionate intensity, etc etc.

Hillbuzz: Use "Victory Mosque" For Political Win!

Cheerfully sociopathic Harvey Bilk is not one to mince words:

"YOU need to help us brainstorm creative ways to take down the Democrat Party with this Islamic Victory Mosque issue.

First up, calling it the “Victory Mosque” is key. Get that into every dialogue on this issue. Make that the term that’s used in debate. The idea of a “Victory Mosque”



Does it matter to Harvey that the "Mosque" is more like the YMCA, complete with swimming pool, the Imam is a friend of Grover Norquist AND George Bush? Or that the Cordoba Center has extensive Jewish and Christian support? No, not as long as there's a hatred to exploit for his own purposes.

In the sad history of cynical operators, idealogues, and innocents, we know where Harvey lands. He hasn't the courage of any convictions, save that power is fun, and he's going to get him some, no matter the cost to anybody else.

Well, Harvey, you are not the only person who can retitle a facility for your own conniving purposes. From here on in, I suggest that genuine lovers of freedom of expression, religious and otherwise, refer to YMCAs as, "Victory Cathedrals," and learn to bend our vocal chords around the following tune:

It's fun to stay at the Vic-To-Ree Cathedral,

It's fun to stay at the Vic-To-Ree Cathedral....


Brought to you as always by Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, the undead blog, shocked to life by this very same Harvey Bilk, and fruitlessly searching for brains ever since.

Hillbuzz: RRRaaacist Or Not? YOU Be The Judge! Tonight's Show: "Especially If They're Black"

"I don't see why it's wrong; what think you?"

The following headline from the awful blog that once tried to make a meal out of poor old neglected Snarkopolitan falls into a category of communication that I like to call Questions That Answer Themselves:

QUESTION: Should children of a president never be criticized (especially if they are black)?

That, of course, would be Lord of the Flies at Hillbuzz, Harvey Bilk, artlessly wondering, in his sociopathic way, why he shouldn't light into the first daughters, since they may not be Obama's daughters at all; daughters that perfect couldn't come from those parents, and besides, they look nothing like him!

This although, Harvey airily admits (still writing in the imaginary plural),



"it’s something that’s never occurred to us before, because we never write about the current “president’s” daughters and have never bothered to learn which of the girls is which."



Yes! He just can't tell the Obama girls apart! But let's cut him some slack; after all, we know Harvey isn't interested in shallow, mutable, deceiving externals like personal appearance.

All right, I'm better now. I had to lie down for a minute with a gin bottle pressed against my forehead.

"we really don’t believe they’re even his girls, because they look nothing like him," sniffs Harvey, before going on to delight his collection of sissy-hating Hillbuzzers with a little Obama-centered homophobia,



"and because the current “president” is a closeted gay man we have a very hard time believing has ever slept with a woman…let alone the person who is the current “First Spouse.”



(Wishing may not make it so, but quotation marks come close.)

Most of Harvey's commenters, while less tone-deaf than Dr. Laura's would-be Soul Sister, rationalize away their joy in shredding the President's children because questioning their parentage and snarking their clothing is not aimed at the cheeldren; their mother dresses them! Nine-year-old Sasha (described by Dujan's one actuall co-blogger, "Grammy Hillbuzz," as having "weird feet"), wouldn't feel upset at having her parentage questioned and her clothing called ugly, now, would she? The Hillbuzzers are just concerned.

But, one commenter wonders, when will we get back to Harvey's real point, which is the terrible privations he suffers not being able to criticize the President's children, since they are black?

sophie Says:

August 15, 2010 at 9:22 pm
I think the original post raised a larger question ? Can we never criticize racial minorities, or risk being viewed as racists?
I think the Obama’s have been handled with the softest of kid gloves on this issue, to the detriment of our country.

Finally! After a number of commenters dropped the ball, arguing with a "troll" who objected to their even discussing the children, Sophie gets the whole picture: it's time to take off the kid gloves and get to work. Harvey has the answer he wanted at last.

Brought to you by Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, the undead blog, at sporadic intervals because unlike certain "events coordinators," Mrs. Polly works for her money!

Dujan-Vue: Hillbuzz Boiz AWOL, All One Of Them.

Lord of the Flies Harvey Bilk conferring with a few of his imaginary friends.

First, for passers-by, why isn't the author of this little blog out admiring the heliotrope instead of devoting so much space to repeatedly slamming a larger, obviously crazy blog? Context here. Now then.

For pity's sake, clueless Hillbuzzers: there are no other "Boiz." New co-blogger/scullery wench "Chrissy the Hyphenated" (Nitwit-American?), when she was given the drudge work exquisite privilege of writing full posts for Harvey Bilk, didn't expect that she would suddenly become a solo act. But Harvey has gone missing, for days, without a word to his people. And none of the other "boiz" who make up the Hillbuzz brand have the cojones to come forward and fill in! But Chrissy isn't worried; she has "mommy instincts":

chrissythehyphenated Says:

August 5, 2010 at 10:35 am
I have gotten a few email from Kevin this week about two things — designing a new site for Hillbuzz and a humongous annual gay festival in Chi-town this weekend.

He wanted me to do something graphic for the festival, but hasn’t sent me the base graphic, which would only require him to snap and email one photo.

Based on these tiny clues, my well-honed mommy instincts suggest he’s physically fine, just busier than a one armed paper hanger.

As for the rest of the Boyz … I have no clue! The only one who emails with me is Kevin.
(emphasis mine, you betcha.)

Chrissy has rather hilariously siezed the opportunity to turn Hillbuzz into an excuse to post pictures of her hapless grandbaby, whose helpless adorableness is a welcome change from Nana's usual relentless anti-Michelle Obama hatchet-jobs (Conveniently collected on the top menu bar of Hillbuzz for all your hating needs). The story of how he became "Baby Buzz," featured mascot on Grammy's Hate Site, will no doubt be a great ice-breaker when he's a little older.


Meanwhile, where on earth are the Boiz, with their seamlessly acrid, tonally identical, yards-long passive-agressive rants? Last year, regular Hillbuzz readers may remember, they vanished for most of July, leaving the blog dark and the loyal Hillbuzzers baffled, worried, and forlorn.

Harvey has wiped all of the evidence from the blog, but the few remaining Hillbuzzers from last year surely remember his inflounce, which was such a perfect specimen of petulant rationalization that it attracted a certain amount of mockery, and was subsequently pulled. There are two remaining testaments to the whole episode: 1. The Hillbuzz archives: July 2009 is simply missing. And, 2. a single comment in the Time-Out Chicago article about Kevin Dujan and his then-buddy, disgraced (by Dujan himself!) former Chicago Young Republican, Jeremy Rose:

Posted by Girlpower on Tue, Jul 07, 09, at 7:45pm
Hey, Kevin, Your buzz fans miss you! When are you coming home?

There is a great, great deal more about Harvey and his buddy/paramour/whathaveyou, Mr. Rose, which shall come in later posts which were begun earlier and have to be updated as a single person with a regular job tries to keep up with the underemployed and hyperactive multiple personalities over there. But here's something to think on, while we gather our collective, yet singular, breaths: what could be easier than inventing a group and claiming that one is heroically shielding their identities?

brought to you, as always, by Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, the undead blog, mostly, with apologies for the irregularity, but unlike certain "consultants" running marathons of begging, Mrs. Polly works!

Sarah Palin Is Positively Polarizing!

New-ku-lar Winter's Comin' Early!

First, apologies to my fours of readers for the long, employment-based absence, during which many, many wonderfully awful happenings went unremarked by anybody but the whole entire rest of the blogosphere, where I hope they found succor.

Second, it is just plain impossible to keep pace with the bubbling cauldron of lunacy over at that place which once had my poor little defunct blog in its crosshairs, because I do not have the strength of the Mad; Harvey's One-Stop All-You-Can-Hate Shack has stayed open for business 24/7. But I bring you this latest morsel, and hope to find a few more from the murky stew he keeps reheating, soon:

Hillbuzz is now trying to "take back" the term "Polarizing" and make it into a positive. Brilliant! Next, he/they can work on making "Ignorant," "Jingoistic," "Self-righteous," "Quitter," "Paranoid" and "Shameless" into positives. Given the material he/they* have to work with, it's a technique he/they* had better learn to perfect.

*Look at the graceless, exhausting, sameness of HB's endless river of phlegmy prose , combined with no physical manifestation of any "boiz" except for Harvey. Two dollars says that "Panda" is sitting on Harvey's bed right now, sporting tear-soaked modacrylic fur, kapok stuffing, and a missing ear.

Brought to you by Snarkopolitan, the undead blog, as always running twice as hard just to not fall behind too tragically, since unlike the Beggar Of Boiztown (oh why not), we work!

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Hillbuzz: Absolutely Fatuous

Why are Pats and Palin depicted in front of the White House? Because they've an equal chance of getting into it, darling.

Pointlessly prolific Harvey Bilk of Shillbuzz loves reruns, and "Class V Crass" is a perennial fave at Harvey's Emporium of Warmed-Over Wingnuttery. It's unsurprising, since his audience demands quantity, not quality, that he should turn to some well-worn classics again and again.

The Lord of the Flies at Shillbuzz uses the series to contrast First Spouse Michelle Obama (no "Lady" for Michelle; rather than call her that, he'll just eschew the term completely!) with First Spouses he prefers, including poor First Drinker Mamie Eisenhower, and, hilariously, LOU HOOVER, much admired for her patience in having to live with the clueless Herbert, who lent his name to so many small cardboard towns during the Great Depression.

Now Shillbuzz has a poll on which First Spouse to slam Michelle with next, as well as the newest installment, which depicts Alaska's Half-First Dude (or is it First Half-Dude? One never is sure about courtesy titles for quitters' spouses) with, of course, Baby Trig, whom he is carefully trying to keep out of the media spotlight, as a caring parent would, you know.

Todd, incidentally, may also bear the honor of being America's first Ominous Shadow Half-Governor, in which case Sarah might just be her own Half First Spouse, or First Half---oh hell, you get the picture. Now that's Mavericky. Anyway, wouldn't having a First Spouse under investigation be exciting! And it doesn't matter which Palin, because both of them have been investigated and found guilty!

While lacking the resources of Shillbuzz's Mystery Photoshopper--and in particular the Photoshop, we* have endeavored to provide just a little of that sort of edgy fun for Snarkopolitan's fives of readers. And doesn't Harvey's beloved Sarah deserve to be compared with the best? So here she is, rocking the same 'do in her retro-ironic way years before Sarah ever picked up the Aqua-Net. Both gals are utilizing their second-favorite props, sporting designer apparel of dubious provenance, and blowing smoke. The difference is that in Pats' case, you know the worst it could be is weed.

Sure, the Class V Crass series seems shallow, pissy, the sort of thing someone does who is seriously underemployed and possessing of a damaged psyche which can only feel good by projecting its self-hatred outward onto an undeserving hate-object. But how can we understand the worldview of one of the globe's formost purveyors of curdled inanity without venturing into his world and trying to see it as he sees it, through his shining little beady rodent eyes?

*brought to you by Snarkopolitan, the undead blog, and written in the baffling third person à la Shillbuzz, even though we are in fact only one person and only able to bring you intermittent installments on Shillbuzz's exhaustive supply of foolishness, since, unlike a certain "special events planner," we have a job!

Yes, Hillbuzz is JUST THIS STUPID!

'
Actual, if blinged-out, screencap, just like all the other actual screencaps!

NOW do you believe me? In the previous post, a commenter was incredulous that the proprietor of Shillbuzz, Harvey Bilk, could be so remarkably pea-brained as to think that Air Force One could survive a "direct nuclear blast" (Harvey's words, my hand to God).

Harvey was merely parroting the wingnut line that Obama deliberately snubbed Poland by not taking the Rolls-Royce engines of Air-Force One through a volcanic dust cloud to the funeral for the Polish president (secret shorter wingnut: oh, why did it have to be POLAND!), because Harvey is all about upholding the dignity of ethnic minorities, particularly the plentiful, Dem-voting ones in Shillbuzz's current crash-pad, Chicago.

But there was a time when Harvey was less concerned with the Polish community, a time not very long ago, in fact, just this last Paczki Day, which as it happens is the last Tuesday or Thursday before Lent. The Poles' version of a pre-Lenten blowout involves consuming the eponymous Paczki, which are delightful little jam-bloated fried cakes.

Some of us go for feather masks and demeaning ourselves for beads on balconies, and some of us go for jam-bloated fried cakes, and far be it from me to cast aspersions on either camp. But Harvey Bilk worked himself up into a purplish-green lather over Paczki Day, because he's A-MURRICAN! HE celebrates Mardi-Gras, not some damn old European thingie from tradition-riddled stupid old Europe. He even took it out on the paczki, acidly referring to them as "jelly donuts," as if that were a bad thing.

Friends, Poles, Cajun-Americans, I ask you: what sort of a man attacks a people's donuts (sic)?

Harvey's anti-Polish Donut Rant above is still available, I think, for a while, at his website, until he tumbles to the amount of pointing and laughing he's getting (there's your bump in traffic, Harvey!) at how spectacularly silly and floridly insane he is. Then, the Polish Donut Rant will join some of his other fine work (including the much-missed Inflounce Post, July 2009, which would have embarrassed Aimee Semple McPherson) in the recycle bin of Intertubal history.

brought to you by Mrs. Polly of Snarkopolitan, the undead blog, thanks to the defibrillator paddles of this same Harvey Bilk, and somewhat behind schedule as usual, since, unlike "events coordinator" Harvey, Mrs. Polly works!